Narcissistic? Maybe. Hilarious? YES.
Bio:
Naive enough to believe anything is possible, Self-Titled Schwab has turned his character flaws into wordy poems set to heavy music. Infused with divine strength like Samson (only in reverse) due to his hairless dome, he is the self-proclaimed, thinking-man’s mosh motivator. His post hardcore, self-deprecating rant raps could melt steel and crack pavement!
Strengths:
*Intimidating lack of hair
*Nine feet tall
*Sports gear
*Shell Toes
*JNCO Jeans
*Thick, impenetrable neck
*Death stare with massive eyes
Vulnerabilities:
*Sunlight
*Ska, Emo, and Indie Rock
This is a crowdfund preorder. No refunds. Expected delivery with campaign fulfillment in November 2026.